Yami's secret pt 1
by unspoiled rini
Summary: Yami is being all yaoi on Yugi
1. Yami's sectet pt 1

Disclaimer: We of G.E.R do not own Yu-gi-oh. We have no money so do not sue us. This fic is purely humor. All flame mail will be used to burn Tea to a crisp and make smores. Please enjoy this fic. P.S. if you have any annoying anime charters you want to get rid of call 1-800-stop-annoy. G.E.R. is not responsible for any property damage caused by the random disappearance of said charters. Please don't sue us.  
YAMI'S SECRET PT 1  
  
.  
  
[scene opens. Yugi is sitting at his desk working on a jigsaw puzzle with some opium scented incense burning in the background]  
  
Yami: [voice from millennium puzzle (v.m.p)] Yugi. I need to talk to you. it's very important.  
  
Yugi: I meant to ask you something Yami. What's this? [takes a packet of opium out of his pocket]  
  
Yami: We've got more pressing matters to attend to.  
  
Yugi: [blank look] Like?  
  
Yami: It's very private. Please join me here inside the millennium puzzle.  
  
Yugi: Sure why not  
  
[cut to hallway inside m.p. where Yami and Yugi meet to talk.]  
  
Yami: Thank you for meeting me here Yugi.  
  
Yugi: [wide eyed innocent look] What did you want to talk about?  
  
Yami: We've known each other for a long time and over this time I've developed certain feelings for you that I've felt should have been kept secret. However I can no longer keep them hidden. Yugi, I .  
  
Yugi:[cutting him off] I know what you mean. You've become like a brother to me too.  
  
Yami: [slightly annoyed] That's not what I meant. Yugi I love you. I want to be your koibito.  
  
Yugi:[innocent and confused look] Huh? [eyes widen in sudden realization] Oh .OHHHH!! Eeep! Eeeep!  
  
[cuts to Yugi's room]  
  
Yugi:[throwing off the millennium puzzle which lands in the corner on a pile of dirty laundry] Ugh! [shakes head] Yuck I need a shower! [runs out of the room]  
  
Yami: [v.m.p.] Hmmm. Wish I could come too.  
  
[next day at school. Yugi approaches Tea, Tristian, Joey, and Bakura.]  
  
Joey: Hiya Yuge!  
  
Tristan: Where's you're millennium puzzle?  
  
Yugi: I'm never wearing it again.  
  
Joey: Why not?  
  
Yugi: Yami's gay.  
  
Tea: [freaking out] Oh my god!! [crying] It can't be! Not Yami. Not my soulmate. Not my wannabe koi! [runs off.]  
  
[no one notices her emotional out burst or if they do they just don't care.]  
  
Bakura: Whats the big deal? My yami is gay and I'm ok with it.  
  
Yugi: But your yami isn't in love with [shudders] you.  
  
[cut to Tea on school roof. She is standing stupidly near the edge crying]  
  
Tea: This can't be! [sobs] My Yami how could you do this to me?  
  
[3 extremely beautiful women appear in a puff of purple, green, and blue smoke]  
  
Tea: [sniffle] Who are [sniffle] you?  
  
All: We are the Goddesses of Extreme Randomness.  
  
Tea: [sniffle] What do [sniffle] you want? [sniffle sniffle]  
  
G.E.R #1: We have come for justice.  
  
Tea: [no longer sniffling] (audience: yay!) I don't understand.  
  
G.E.R #2: We didn't expect you to.  
  
G.E.R #3: People like you give us a bad name.  
  
Tea: [blank look]  
  
All 3: [roll eyes]  
  
G.E.R. #1: It's cry-baby, goodie-goodie, gurly-gurl, good for nothing bakas like you give us regular, intelligent women..  
  
G.E.R. #2 & #3: Like us.  
  
G.E.R. #1:[rolls eyes] A bad name.  
  
G.E.R. #2: That's ok though. We've come up with a plan to solve our problem and rid the world of bakas like you.  
  
GER #3: We don't just handle gurly-gurls either. We also take care of wannabe manly-men and..  
  
GER #1 & #2: Focus girl!  
  
GER # 3: Oh yeah.  
  
All: Say goodbye Tea! [slowly advances on her]  
  
Tea: [confused ditsy look] What are you.  
  
[cut to ground where Yugi and friends are standing. Tea's dead body falls to the ground at their feet.]  
  
Yugi: [only one to notice] Oh no! Tea! [runs off severely depressed]  
  
[Everyone stands around for a few minutes.]  
  
Joey: You guys up for the arcade?  
  
Tristian and Bakura: Okay.  
  
[all 3 step on Tea's dead body and go to the arcade.]  
  
[cuts to Yugi's room]  
  
Yugi: [lying on bed sobbing] Poor Tea!  
  
Yami: [v.m.p.] Yugi.  
  
Yugi: [annoyed] Not now Yami.  
  
Yami: I'm sorry to hear about Tea.  
  
Yugi: Really?  
  
Yami: Would a back massage make it better?  
  
Yugi: [shocked] Yami! That was totally lame and totally uncalled for.  
  
Yami: I'm so sorry Yugi. It's just that.[starts to fake cry] I'm so lonely.  
  
Yugi: [puzzled yet sympathetic look] [snaps out of it quickly] It's not working.  
  
Yami: But I've grown so accustomed to being able to talk to you whenever I like. [fake cry again] I feel so deprived.  
  
Yugi: I'm not falling for it. [crosses arms]  
  
Yami: [innocently] I'm so lonely Yugi. Can we at least play a little game?  
  
Yugi: No Yami.  
  
Yami: I'll be on my best behavior!  
  
Yugi: Don't make me dismantle the puzzle!  
  
Yami: [almost whining] Yuuuuggggiiii Ppllllleeeeassseeee?  
  
Yugi:[thinking] Well if you promise to be on your best behavior.[gets m.p. and puts it on.]  
  
[cut to inner hallway in the m.p. Yami has a table set up for a duel monsters game]  
  
Yami: Thank you Yugi. You don't know how lonely I was.  
  
[they duel Yugi wins]  
  
Yugi: [jumping up and down with glee] Yay! I won.  
  
Yami: [to himself] he looks so sexy when he's happy. (0_o)  
  
Yugi: [stops] Did you say something.  
  
Yami: Nope.  
  
Yugi: [shrugs] Oh. Well wanna play again?  
  
Yami: [evil grin] I want to play a new game now. [knocks over table and advances on Yugi.]  
  
Yugi: [sudden realization] Eeep! Eeep! I thought you were going to be on your best behavior?  
  
Yami: This is what I'm best at. Just ask the Dark Magician.  
  
Yugi: Eeeeeeep!  
  
[cuts to front of the Kame game shop. Tristian and Joey walk in]  
  
Joey: Yo! Gramps! Ya seen Yuge?  
  
Grandpa: SLACKER!!!! [hits Joey on the back of his head with a rolled up newspaper.]  
  
Joey: Owwww.  
  
Tristan: I bet he's in his room  
  
[cuts to Yugi's room Joey and Tristan come in and find Yugi sitting on his bed wearing the m.p. looking very stoned.]  
  
Tristan: [waving hand in front of his face] Are you ok?  
  
Yugi: No. don't.[whimpers]  
  
Tristan: He's fine.  
  
Joey: Wanna see a movie?  
  
Tristan: Sure.  
  
[they leave]  
  
Yugi: Yami stop!!! Eeeeeep! [screams]  
  
THE END  
  
Or is it? 


	2. Yami's secret pt 2

YAMI'S SECRET PART 2 By: G.E.R. the goddesses of extreme randomness  
Disclaimer: We of G.E.R do not own Yu-gi-oh. We have no money so do not sue us. This fic is purely humor. All flame mail will be used to burn Tea to a crisp and make smores. Please enjoy this fic. P.S. if you have any annoying anime charters you want to get rid of call 1-800-stop-annoy. G.E.R. is not responsible for any property damage caused by the random disappearance of said charters. Please don't sue us.  
Scene opens: It is the next day at school. Tea, Tristen, and Joey are standing in a group talking. Yugi walks in. They immediately notice all the scrapes and bruises on his face and neck. In his left hand is his duel monsters deck. In his right is a black plastic bag. Yugi walks up to Joey.  
  
Yugi: Joey here you can have this.  
  
Places the duel monsters deck in his hand. Joey looks bewildered as he turns over the first card in the deck. It is the dark magician.  
  
Joey: Even the Dark Magician? Yugi: especially the Dark Magician. Joey: But I thought it was your favorite card?!  
  
Yugi shudders as he thought about what Yami said.  
  
Yugi; Not anymore it isn't  
  
Joey looks at Yugi and then at the deck and back to Yugi. But being blonde Joey sruggs and puts the deck in his pocket.  
  
Joey: Hey thanks Yuge. With dis deck, I could probably beat Kaiba himself. (he giggles) Kaiba: A little puppy dog like you? Don't make me laugh. I've dueled monkeys tougher than you.  
  
Everyone turned to see Kaiba standing behind them with his all-famous smirk on his face.  
  
Joey: (his face all red from the insult) Aw what do you know. Heh. I'll have you know that Yugi gave me his deck. Kaiba: So the master gave his little doggie a new toy. Is he going to teach him how to play with it too? Yugi: No way!! I'm through playing duel monsters. From now on, I'm playing something a little less hazardous to my health like pity pack. (Holds up deck of regular playing cards.) In fact Kaiba how would you like to have my Millennium puzzle? Kaiba: (deep frown) What's wrong with it? (Raises eyebrow) And why are you giving it to me? Yugi: (taking the puzzle out of the bag and gives it to Kaiba) Oh. Um. There's nothing wrong with it. (Bell rings in the background) Oh looky there I've got to go don't want to be late for class. (Runs down the hall leaving a big cloud of dust behind.)  
  
Scene cuts to school courtyard during lunch. Yugi is sitting under a tree happy that he got rid of the Millennium puzzle when Kaiba approaches.  
  
Kaiba: (standing in front of Yugi) Yugi I don't know what's wrong with your puzzle but I don't want it. Yugi: (slightly panicked look) There is nothing wrong with it as long as you don't put it on. Kaiba: What happens if I put it on? Yugi: (realizing his mistake) Um. Nothing! Nothing at all!  
  
Kaiba looks at him skeptically and puts the puzzle on.  
  
Yugi: No! Kaiba stop!! (Getting to his feet)  
  
At first, nothing happens. Yugi lets out a sigh of relief. Kaiba then doubles over in pain clutching his stomach. He is surrounded by a purple cloud of smoke. When the smoke cleared there stood Yami wearing a seductive smirk where Kaiba once stood,  
  
Yami: Hello Yugi my koi. I've missed you. Yugi: (extremely frightened look) Y.. Y.. You stay away from me! Yami: (walking toward Yugi) But Yugi didn't You have a good time last night? I know I did. Yugi: (running now) No I didn't you etchi spirit. Yami: Well it must have been some fun. After all, you did give me this nice, strong, athletic body Yugi: I didn't give you that body. You stole it from Kaiba.  
  
Yami just srugged. As he continued to chase Yugi around the schoolyard. In the middle of the schoolyard was a random jungle gym. Yugi climbed it in an effort to slow Yami down. Unfortually for Yugi Yami climbed the jungle gym faster than Yugi. Yami was just about to capture Yugi when he slipped through the bars and fell of the ground. Yugi now on the ground runs toward the school building but trips over someone. He looks to see who he tripped over and it is Yami Bakura looking as if he had just woken up.  
  
Yami Bakura: Watch where you're going Pipsqueak! Yugi: Me! You're the one sleeping on the ground! Yami Bakura: (cross look on his face) Well excuse me for taking a map after lunch. Besides only a baka would trip and fall while running from their koi. Yugi: (very red in the face) I'm not a baka and he's not my koi!!! Yami: You sure about the koi part because last night proved otherwise.  
  
Yugi turned around to see Yami standing in front of him smirking.  
  
Yugi: EEP! When did you get there? Yami: Dose it really matter my koi? Yugi: I'm not your koi! Yami Bakura: Pharos I'm surprised at you! Picking on young boys. And the one who shares your body no doubt. That's disgusting!  
  
Yami gives Yami Bakura a cold hard look.  
  
Yami: Stay out of this tomb raider. Yami Bakura: Tomb Raider? But my name's not Laura. Yami & Yugi both: Laura? Yami Bakura: You know Laura Croft. The Movie? Tomb Raider?  
  
Yami & Yugi look extremely confused.  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh never mind! Anyway Pharos you should leave Yugi alone. Isn't it enough that you destroyed one person's life? Must you destroy another?  
  
Nearby Joey and Tristen are playing duel monsters. Joey is losing badly until he draws the Dark Magician.  
  
Joey: Dark Magician in attack mode! Obliterate Tristan's Lord of D. Dark Magic Attack!!!!  
  
Yami: This is none of your business Tomb Raider. As for my affairs with the Dark Magician that is ancient history. Ancient Egyptian history.  
  
Hearing his name said by Pharos the Dark Magician materialized between Yami & Yugi.  
  
Joey: Hey the picture on the card just disappeared. Tristan: Yeah and look it's over there between Yugi and. Yugi?  
  
Dark Magician: Pharos I cannot allow this insanity to continue. I will not allow you to destroy this young boy's life as you did mine. Yami: (rolling his eyes) Don't you think you're over dramatizing a bit? Dark Magician: Over dramatizing!!! You killed my wife and daughter. You turned me into your slave and to top it all off you sealed my soul into a card. Dose it sound like I'm over dramatizing to you?! Yami Bakura & Yami: Yes (nodding heads with a very supiror look on their faces) Dark Magician: (glowering) That's not the point. The point is I'm here to stop you so my soul can rest in peace inside the card.  
  
Dark Magician lunges at Yami who steps to the side to evade his attack. Dark Magician however grabs a hold of the Millennium puzzle.  
  
Yami: (falling to his knees while holding his stomach) NNNOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
In a cloud of purple smoke a bewildered Seto Kaiba looked around.  
  
Kaiba: (glares at Yugi) I don't know how I know but I know that you had something to do with this.  
  
He stalks away past Yugi and runs into Joey, Tristan, and Tea as they run up to meet Yugi.  
  
Kaiba: Out of my way doggies before I call the pound. (Continues to walk off)  
  
All three srug and turn toward Yugi, Dark Magician, and Yami Bakura.  
  
Dark Magician: I must prevent him from pursuing you. Do I have your permission master Yugi?  
  
Yugi nodded dumbly. His face pale and sweaty. Dark Magician took the Millennium puzzle and took it apart. He then set the pieces on the ground.  
  
Dark Magician: Dark Magic Attack!!  
  
The millennium puzzle pieces are blown to dust. Tea takes a step toward Yugi.  
  
Tea: Yugi what's going on?  
  
Everyone jumps and looks at Tea strangely.  
  
Tea: What? Yugi: Aren't you supposed to be dead? Tea: Yeah. So? Joey: So why aren't ya? Tea: I don't know? Tristen: It's because we're an anime. People never stay dead in an anime. Yugi & Joey: We're not real? Tristan: Nope. Yugi & Joey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone sweatdrops.  
  
Dark Magician; Calm down chibi pharo. It is simple. Fate brought my beautiful Anazu back to me. Tea: (really gurly) Who me? Dark Magician: Yes my beloved.  
  
Dark Magician runs up and hugs her.  
  
Dark Magician: Run away with me.  
  
Tea: Sure.  
  
Yugi holds up the Dark Magician card. He has a very cross look on his face.  
  
Yugi: I don't think so! Dark Magician return!  
  
The Dark Magician is being dragged back into the card as he grabs a hold of Tea's wrist and she is pulled in with him. The card then morphs into a new card called True Lovers. It shows Tea and Dark Magician kissing on the front. Yugi throws the card down in disgust and walks away. Meanwhile there is a squirrel by the pile of Millennium puzzle dust. A gust of wind causes it to swirl around the squirrel and it's eyes glow red.  
  
Squirrel: Chatter Chatter chat.  
  
The end...... Or is it?  
  
Note: pity pack - played just like go fish except you use five cards and instead of asking your opponent if they have a certain card you pull from the deck and ask if they need that card. If you use the card you pulled from the deck you must put one in the discard pile. Ex. You have a 3 and a 5 in your hand and you pull a 3. After asking if your opponent needs the 3 (if he doesn't) you keep the 3 and put the 5 in the discard pile. You can also use cards your opponent puts into the discard pile. But you must put one of yours in the discard pile in return. The first person to get all matches wins. 


End file.
